Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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