Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i permit you to call me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
