Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
