they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
