I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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