Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
