Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
