and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
