I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
