But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
