I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
