Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
