Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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