grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
