I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
