My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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