It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
