i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
