I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize