last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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