chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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