Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
