She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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