Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
