remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
