I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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