I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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