can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
