i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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