Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
