So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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