You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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