she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
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I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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