ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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