Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
