I just saw a hot homeless man
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
