when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
