Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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