you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
