Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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