Having a random hookup so left but love u
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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