id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
