I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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