Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
