it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
