there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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