She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
