I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
