I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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