It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize