I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
