drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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