Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list