Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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