Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
