Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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