My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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