Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
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Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
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Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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