My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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