He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He did a backflip because drugs
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