Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
