I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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