Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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