he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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