..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
