i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
