I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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