Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
