no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
