If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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