I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
