come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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