Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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